|
The monthly e-magazine of the River City Gems
|
October 2009
|
|
|
Join Our Email List!
|
 |
|
Upcoming Gems Events
|
Drab Gab-Oct 23
Halloween Party-Oct 24
Monthly Social-Nov 14
Thanksgathering-Nov 28
For more information, visit our upcoming events page!
|
We are pleased to welcome new members Gloria, Kay & Karen, Te'a, Melissa H, Trish, Jess & Norah, Linda, Keira, and Mary to our River City Gems family!
|
Join Us!
|
Support the River City Gems by becoming a member today! As a member, you'll be entitled to a $5 discount on the door fee at all Gems events. You'll also receive a membership card, library
privileges, an entry in each month's member drawing, and even a
special card and cupcake in the month of your birthday! Most importantly, your support will enable us to continue serving the
needs of our community through social events, education, and outreach. You can join or renew your membership at any Gems event or online. |
Community Calendar
|
From the Sacramento International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival, to OUTreach Movie Night in Redding, to "A Night in Black Satin and All That Jazz" in Hayward, to Halloween at Carla's in San Jose, there are lots of regional events happening in October. Visit our Community Calendar to get all the dates!
|
|
|
Greetings!
In honor of National Coming Out Day, October 11, this month's Facets features stories, articles, and advice about coming out as transgender. National Coming Out Day is an internationally-observed civil awareness day for coming out and discussion about gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) issues. Decisions about how, where, and when to come out to others are highly personal; there is no single path that is right for everyone. But by sharing our stories, experiences, and resources, we can all help to make the coming out process easier for those who are preparing to undertake it.
In this issue, Rebecca H. gives solid advice on transitioning at work; Ellie O. shares how she came out to her family; and Dani D. reflects on the importance of finding balance in your life. There's advice on talking to your partner about crossdressing, and a thoughtful piece by Rachel M. explaining her decision not to come out to her parents and brother. Plus, Calie Alexandra reviews the classic book True Selves, an essential guide for those seeking to understand what it means to be transgender.
This month's guest author is Josephine Emery, whose new memoir The Real Possibility of Joy traces her physical, spiritual and emotional journey from man to woman. In this powerful excerpt, she recounts the experience of talking with her terminally ill mother about her lifelong struggle to be herself.
We hope that in these stories, each of you will find something of value to take with you on your own journey, wherever it may lead.
Warmly,
Marla Morley
Editor
|
Coming Out at Work by Rebecca H.
|
|
 Although in California, workplace discrimination against transgender
people
is illegal, it's still a very real concern for those of us
transitioning. Sure, you can't be outright fired for changing genders,
but there are other ways to be legally let go.
For this very reason,
many transsexuals continue to present as their birth sex at work, even
years after they really no longer really pass as such. Some people take
time off from their careers to transition, and return only once they
have completed the process, thus avoiding coming out at work completely.
But this requires resources that most of us don't have available. And
sadly, many lose their jobs, their income, their homes.
|
Coming Out to My Family by Ellie O.
|
|
Telling our friends and family that we crossdress, are gay, or that
we wish to transition can be one of the greatest challenges we will ever
face. After my wife died in 2007, I found myself facing this
challenge.
My remaining family is small and scattered, with my daughter and her
husband living in Oregon, my eldest granddaughter and her two daughters
also in Oregon, and my youngest granddaughter living in nearby Fair
Oaks, California, with her son and husband.
|
Balance by Dani D.
|
|
We each seem to start this journey alone. We are fearful
that anyone should find out our "horrible little secret." It
doesn't matter if we are TG, CD, TS, or where we fall on whatever color
wheel or spectrum you wish to use. It doesn't matter what label we
use for ourselves. It seems in spite of that lonely beginning that
we share certain things.
There are certain parts of the story that seem to echo so often as to
become cliché. Part of that story is finding ourselves -
finding out that we are not alone. All of a sudden, the world
opens up to us and life goes from a place of bleak despair to one of
hope. We suddenly go from the dark pits of loneliness to floating
in the pink fog of feminine euphoria.
|
|
|
How to Tell Your Partner by Marla M.
|
|
|
 Would you like to come out to your wife or girlfriend about
your crossdressing, but don't know how? Written by the spouse of a
crossdresser, this article will help you prepare for that important
moment of disclosure.
How do I introduce the woman in my life to the woman in me?
Most crossdressers are faced with this situation at some point in
their lives, and most feel understandably anxious about it. We
have all heard the familiar horror stories of wives or girlfriends
leaving and families being torn apart. But the truth is, few
relationships end because of crossdressing.
|
Death and Entrances by Josephine Emery
|
|
In this powerful and emotionally charged excerpt from her new
memoir
The Real Possibility of Joy: A Personal Journey from Man to Woman,
Josephine Emery recalls her decision to be honest with her
terminally ill mother about who she really is. Reprinted with
permission from the author.
I was here in this small coastal South Australian town to be with my mother one
more time before she died.
I had called her nine or so months earlier from my apartment in an
inner-eastern suburb of Sydney.
I clutched the phone and finally said what I had been afraid to say for
all those years.
'All my life I have fought the fact that inside myself, whenever I think
of myself, whenever I try and feel who it is I am ... that person is
female, is a woman.'
|
To Tell or Not to Tell? by Rachel M.
|
|
Coming out is a very personal decision, with potential risks
that in some cases may outweigh the benefits. Here Rachel M. explains the reasons
for her choice not to tell her parents and brother about her
transgender life.
I often read about people who have a strong desire to share their "true selves"
with their families, and feel the need to come out as transgender to their
parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, cousins, and in-laws. Obviously, for
those who are transitioning, this kind of disclosure is unavoidable. But what
about those like me who continue to live with one foot in each world? I
sometimes wonder why they feel compelled to explain their bi-gendered life to
family members who would otherwise never have a reason to know. Is it for their
family's benefit? Or for themselves? Or both?
|
True Selves: A Book Review by Calie Alexandra
|
|
Before coming out to family, friends, or
co-workers, it is recommended that you educate yourself so that you
are prepared to answer their questions, and that you have some resources
available to help them understand your experience. True Selves
is a comprehensive and compassionate overview of transsexualism that is a "must read" for anyone who is part of the transgender
community.
True Selves, Understanding Transsexualism -
For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals
By Mildred L. Brown and Chloe Ann Rounsley
Published by Jossey-Bass, 1996.
True Selves was first published in 1996, and includes a resource guide,
which has been updated in later printings. The book is co-authored
by Mildred Brown, a retired clinical sexologist and therapist who had a
private practice in Los Gatos, and Chloe Rounsley, a San Francisco based
writer, journalist and marketing consultant who has conducted extensive
research on the subject of transsexualism.
|
Deciding to Tell Others: Benefits and Risks
|
|
The National Center for Transgender Equality, in partnership with the HRC Coming Out Project, publishes a resource guide designed to help you through the process of coming out as transgender. You can find it at www.nctequality.org.
While there are benefits, there can also be serious risks and consequences involved in coming out. The decision is yours and yours alone. It's important to weigh both risks and benefits before making a choice to tell others.
Some Benefits of Coming Out:
- Living an open and whole life
- Developing closer, more genuine relationships
- Building self-esteem from being known and loved for who we really are
- Reducing the stress of hiding our identity
- Having authentic and open friendships with other transgender people
- Helping to dispel myths and fears about transgender people
- Becoming a role model for others
- Making it easier for younger transgender people who will follow in our footsteps
Some Risks/Consequences of Coming Out:
- Not everyone will be understanding or accepting
- Family, friends and co-workers may be shocked, confused or even hostile
- Some relationships may permanently change
- You may experience harassment, discrimination or violence
- You may be thrown out of your home
- You may lose your job
- Some young people may lose financial support from their parents
|
 |
The River City Gems is a nonprofit organization with a mission
to improve the lives of transgender individuals and their
families by providing education, resources, peer support, social
networking opportunities, outreach programs, and services
focused on the specific needs of the male-to-female transgender
community. Contributions are fully tax deductible under section 501(c)(3)
of the IRS code.
|
www.rivercitygems.org | info@rivercitygems.org | facets@rivercitygems.org
|
|
|
|
|
|
